In Your Room
by alysonstrivelli
Summary: All you have to do, is let me in your room. Kames, slash. What else is new.
1. Let Me In

**__Hellllllo fanfiction :) I'm back again with a multi chapter, that I HOPE nobody else has done before. As you all know, I'm a huge Kames fanatic. And today, while I was with my mom for mothers day, I was listening to her iPod and a song came up and I immediately thought of a Kames story for it. This is based off the song "In Your Room" by Halestorm, and this is going to be one of my works of art that hopefully I can keep up with. I don't see it going far with a lot of chapters, but I do plan to get this going. Because I plan to show you guys James and Kendall's childhood together, what happened with James and his family, and everything they go through together. So if you'd like, listen to the song and read this, or do it while reading it, either way, I suggest hearing the song :) anyways, I hope you like it! enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story, just the idea, which is the song so that's not mine either. and of course I don't own Kendall or James, but that would be fun to have. Just saying. **

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_Let me in your room. I've seen the rest of you. But I know there's something more in your room. I'm right outside your door, show me things you've never shown before. A few pictures from your past, and those walls you painted black. And the secrets that you keep under your bed. All you have to do, is let me in your room._

He stared blankly at the white door in front of him, taking a deep breath before knocking on it softly, his voice near a whisper. "James?" his only response was a sniffle from the other side of the door, and a soft thud, which he presumed was James hitting the door. "James, please. Why do you do this to me? Why won't you let me in?"

"Leave me alone, Kendall."

James's answer was shaky, and Kendall knew that when James got like this, it was time to leave him alone. But not this time, he wasn't gonna stand around and watch everyone step on him. He had sat back too many times, and now he wasn't going to. He knocked again. "James, let me in. Please. You can't keep doing this."

There was shuffling, and after a few awkward seconds, the door opened slowly, revealing a disheveled, red eyed, tear streaked James. Kendall did nothing but opened his arms, and James did the rest, falling into his arms and letting out those quiet whimpers that killed Kendall every single time he heard them. Kendall didn't say anything, there was silence between them, give for James's soft cries into Kendall's shirt. Kendall slid his hand up and down James's back, something he knew that calmed James down every single time. After a few minutes, Kendall pulled James's head back, making sure they were face to face. "Why do you do this to yourself James?"

James didn't say anything, just turned his face away from Kendall as fresh tears welled up and spilled over onto his reddened cheeks. Kendall sighed softly, cupping James's face and stroking his thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away the tears that were running down his face. "I know you're hurting James. I've been there your whole life. I've watched the abuse you've suffered from your dad after your mom died. I watched you sit back and take it as the kids in school would beat you until you were on the floor bleeding. But you have to open up to me James. You can't keep holding this in."

"I… I'm scared, Kendall." he whispered back, his voice barely audible.

Kendall closed his eyes, resting his forehead against James's. "I know you're scared. But James, you have to believe me on this. I'm not going to hurt you. I've been there eighteen years of your life, and I'm still here. I hate sitting back and watching them hurt you. Please just let me in. I can help you, if you let me."

James stepped back from Kendall, wiping the tears on his face, and Kendall swore for a minute that James was gonna shut him out again, turn his back on his best friend and shut the door in his face. But James held it open, turning his head around to look at Kendall and he took a deep breath. "Don't make me regret this, Kendall."

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**A/N: Okay so I know this is REALLY short. But a few things.**

**One: I have no idea when I'll be able to update this, because I wrote this on a whim. **

**Two: I'm still unsure if Carlos and Logan are going to be in this, but they probably will because Carlos is my little confliction and he'll bug me to put him in this story and he doesn't go anywhere without his little Logie. So they'll probably wind up being in this too.**

**Three: If you DO read this, please spread the word if you like it? And please PLEASE review! I love reviews and love hearing all of your feedback :) And I'd like to know if I should continue or delete it, so please spread the word? :)**

**I love you all.**


	2. There's Something More In Your Room

**I know that this is a quick update, but I actually really just enjoy writing this story so far. And I thought it was only fair to give you guys a little bit of leeway of where I'm going with this. So in this chapter, you understand what kind of family these two come from, and all that jazz. So. Without further ado, chapter two. Oh hey, that rhymed :)**

**Disclaimer, I do not own any of these characters or song, or anything. **

**Warning: Some kind of curses I guess? One in the first sentence so far so yes :)**

**Enjoy!**

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Kendall Knight and James Diamond were a fucked up pair.

Kendall came from the family that every kid dreamed about. He had a loving mother who spoiled him rotten. Mrs. Knight had always wanted a baby boy to love and cherish and make her mama's boy. Kendall was everything in his mother's eyes. He had his father's green eyes that shone through even the darkest days, blonde hair that looked like it had been kissed by the son, and her smile and personality. Kendall was, what she liked to call, a Knight in it's finest. Mr. Knight played for the Minnesota Wild, and was one of the best hockey players in history of the sport. Needless to say, there were never a family of poor class. Kendall loved having a mom that spoiled him, gave him everything he wanted. And a father who set ground rules for him, so he never got out of line. Kendall was the luckiest kid in the world to have a family like his.

James came from a broken home. When James was only two and a half years old, he had witnessed his mother being brutally murdered by a stranger while his father was on a business trip. He had been sent to live with his aunt until his father returned, and when his father got back, he ran to him, collapsing in his father's arms, unsure of exactly what to do. Mr. Diamond held his son, allowing his little boy to cry his hurt and trauma into his arms, and he promised right then and there that he'd always be protected, no matter what. At the funeral, his father knelt down in front of him, clasping a simple gold chain around his neck. He then looked at James, through tear filled eyes, and said, "as long as you have this, mommy will send a guardian angel for you when you need it. And when something goes wrong, that guardian angel will be there for you. Don't ever forget that, James."

So when Kendall and James met for the first time in day care when they were three, James understood what his dad meant that mommy sent him a guardian angel. James had been sitting in the corner of the room, focusing on his book about dinosaurs, because what three year old doesn't love dinosaurs, when he looked up and saw Kendall standing in front of him. James went back to his book, not really knowing what to say, when Kendall spoke. "What's that?"

James looked up and swallowed, pointing at the big green dinosaur on the cover. "A book 'bout dinosaurs. They're my favowite animals."

Kendall's green eyes lit up. "They're my favowite too. What's your favowite kind?"

James smiled shyly, "t-rex. What's yours?"

"Mine's a t..twiceratopses," he stuttered, the word not exactly coming out as it was supposed to, but James's entire face lit up, and he knew he just made a new friend.

"You like dose too? I got lots of dem at my house! You should come overs later and pway!"

Kendall smiled, plopping his three year old butt down next to James, and he pulled his backpack from his shoulders, setting it down between his legs. He opened the zippers, digging through them as he pulled out a small baggy, unzipping it and reaching into it, pulling out a green dinosaur shaped gummie. "hewe! It's a t-rex, and dere your favowite."

James took it immediately, smiling wide and proud as he popped it into his mouth, and sat back and reopened his book, thinking to himself that he couldn't wait to get picked up to tell his dad about his new friend.

As the months went on, Kendall and James grew closer and closer each and every day. Their day was simple. They'd get dropped off to daycare at 8:30 am, Mr. Diamond offering to carpool and pick Kendall up on his way to work when he learned that they lived just three blocks away. They spent every day together until 5:30, when Mrs. Knight arrived to pick them up, taking James with them, and keeping him until Mr. Diamond got off of work to pick him up. Sometimes, James even got to spend the night at the Knight's house, since Mr. Diamond had important business meetings and trips that sometimes required him to be at the office late, or out of town for long periods of time.

The very first time that James had realized Kendall was his guardian angel was when they were sitting on the playground one May afternoon, and two other boys approached them, who seemed to be about four or five. "What are you _doing?"_

Kendall looked up from his and James's game of trucks and shrugged. "Pwaying trucks. Did you wants to join us?"

The older boys laughed, "do you realize your friend is a girl?"

Kendall cocked his head, a puzzled look on his face. "James isn't a girl… Are you James?"

James turned bright red, shying away from the older boys. Sure, he had longer hair, but he didn't look like a girl at all. "'m not a girl!"

"You're too pretty to be a boy. Mommy says only girls a 'sposed to be pretty. And you're pretty, so that means that you're a girl."

James's eyes widened, and he looked to Kendall before getting up and running to the other side of the playground, hiding under the castle set built into the entirety. His eyes had gotten watery on his run over and he sniffled, wiping at the tears streaking down his cheeks. After a few minutes, Kendall's blond head popped into the doorway. "Jamie?"

James turned his face away, trying to hide his tears. "'m not a girl."

Kendall sat next to him, throwing his tiny little arms around James's torso. "I know Jamie. You don't talk wike a girl. You're pwetty, but I knows you're a boy. It's okay, I beat him ups."

James turned his face towards Kendall, his eyes wide. "Kendall! You gets in twouble for dat! You can't beats him up!"

The little blonde just shrugged, hugging James tighter. "He can't be means to my best fwiend."

And in that moment, their teacher had begun screaming, "Kendall Knight, you get over here right now!" and Kendall laughed his little three year old laugh, before getting up and running over to their teacher. But James wrapped his tiny fingers around his mother's gold chain and swallowed hard, realizing in that moment, that he had his guardian angel. Only he wasn't an angel. He was a Knight.

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**A/N: What a dumb ending omg. But anyways. Here's chapter two. So now we understand where these two are from. Katie is not yet born, or even conceived but she'll get here, don't worry :) Anyway, I really hope you guys like it because I'm really working hard on this. All for you guys. By the way, this is eventually going to be a slash kinda thing, if you couldn't tell, and eventually the rating is gonna go up as they get older, and it'll eventually be M rated, because as they get into high school, they'll be experimenting with alcohol, and sex, and sexuality and let me not ruin this entire story for you guys. So yes :) reviews make me super happy. I'm just saying. **


	3. You Can Be Yourself

**Ah, another update :) I feel so proud of this story so far. So we're gonna skip some in this chapter to really get this going. I'm not gonna go into full detail yet about what truly happened the night James's mom was killed or anything, we'll save that for the whole chapter from where the prologue ended :D anyway, I'm dedicating this to Courtney because I love her oh so much, and she loves Kames angst, especially when it involves lots and lots of sad James. So therefore, this one is for Courtney :) **

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James was twelve years old when his father had first hit him. Ten long years had gone by since he had witnessed his mother's brutal murder. An entire decade had gone by, and the nightmares had ceased to disappear. James found it hard to sleep at night, without having to see his mother's eyes staring at him through the crack of the door as that man stalked towards his mother with a kitchen knife. James watched from the closet as his mother was beaten down, and stabbed until she stopped fighting. When a slam of a door was heard, and James knew it was safe, he opened the door, large tears running off his cheeks as he walked quietly over to his mom, as she lie cold and lifeless on the floor. He watched the blood run, and he ran across the street to his neighbor, sobbing for help.

The nightmares were a reoccurring thing, the face of the unnamed murderer in his mind, or the visions of his mother coming back, the blood, hearing her screams. It would all replay in his mind until he woke up, sweat drenched and gasping for air. Things seemed to calm down with Kendall in his life, knowing that Kendall was strong, and if anything were to happen, his best friend could help him if he needed it.

James was only twelve years old, teetering on the brink of puberty when he first endured the beginning of his father's abuse. James spent ten years of his life putting up a wall, one not even Kendall could break through. He and Kendall had been hanging out at the park, sitting on the hill that overlooked their small town home in Minnesota. "So how are you doing with… You know, the nightmares?"

James looked over at Kendall before exhaling deeply, laying back into the grass. "Fine."

Kendall looked down at him, kinking an eyebrow before laying on his back next to James, taking a deep breath. "You tend to do that a lot."

"What?"

"Shut me out. Ever since I met you, you do this thing where I'll ask you how you're holding up, considering you go through a lot of shit, and you just shut down completely. It's kind of frustrating that I can't get through to you, like at all."

James rolled his eyes. "What do you really want me to say Kendall? I have nightmares about my mother being killed in front of me, there's really not that much to say about it."

Kendall shrugged, sitting back up and running a hand through his hair. "It's really frustrating to me, James. Can't you get that? I've been there for how many years of your life so far, and you rarely let me in. You build up this wall, and you just block me out of everything. I tell you everything about me. Doesn't that say something? Maybe you can tell me-"

"Kendall, just drop it. I'm not gonna talk to you about my stupid feelings, I've learned to deal with them, so just get the hell over it, alright?" James immediately turned over on his side, away from Kendall and he let out an annoyed breath. Why the hell does he feel the need to get involved in his business anyway? They had other friends. Ones that probably knew Kendall better than James did. Besides, everyone else that James wanted to let in, they all hurt him in return. Why did Kendall wanna convince him to open up? He wasn't gonna be any different.

"I know that you have trust issues and all. But jeez, James, I'm not gonna run around telling everyone that you cried because you witnessed something so traumatizing at such a young age. You can have a little bit more faith in me."

James sighed, turning over and sitting up slowly, looking at Kendall before resting his head on Kendall's shoulder. They didn't speak, just sat like that for a few minutes, the only sound was James and Kendall's breathing, and the wind, as if speaking the words James was too afraid to speak. James tipped his head up, resting his forehead against Kendall's temple, his voice barely over a whisper. "I'm sorry. It's really hard for me."

"I know. And I'm not gonna sit here and force you to tell me something you're too scared to. So when you're ready, you let me know, okay? Just know that I'm not going anywhere, James. I swear that to you."

James smiled, nodding slowly as he relaxed into Kendall a little bit more, his hand reaching up to touch the gold chain resting underneath his shirt. They stayed like that for hours, no words exchanged, just having the comfort of knowing they were there for each other. It was that moment that his question was answered. Kendall wasn't like the rest.

And it was also that moment that James realized he was gay. And he was in love with Kendall.

At around 6:30 that night, when the dark clouds had begun to roll in, signaling a major storm, Kendall walked James home. Kendall's arm wrapped protectively around James's shoulders, keeping within distance, making sure James knew that he really wasn't going anywhere. By the time they got back to James's house, the sky had opened and the rain began to pour, and they had laughed as the rain soaked them to the bone.

Kendall had walked him to the door, pulling him into a hug and keeping James pressed into his chest, just for the comfort of knowing that James was in his arms. When they pulled away, Kendall stood up a little bit taller, considering James was an inch and a half taller than him, and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Bye James. Call me if you need me."

James hadn't even expected it, and the simple gesture had his heart racing. "Yeah. I will. Bye Kendall." The smile he had on his face could be seen from miles away as he walked through the door, coming face to face with his father. "Oh. Hey dad. I-"

"Are you gay?"

James pulled back, unsure of what his father was really asking. How did he know? There was no way he actually saw him and Kendall, and it's not liked they had actually kissed, it was more of a comfort thing. "What are you talking about?""I saw that little fuck kiss you. Now I'll ask again. Are you a little homo too?"

What the hell? "What? No! Dad, what-"

And that's when it happened. His father's hand connected with his cheek in a hard slap that had him toppling backwards into the front door with the force of it. "That better show you not to act like a stupid little faggot in my house. I swear on your mother's grave James, I did not waste ten years raising you for you to be gay. No son of mine will be raised like this. Now get out of my sight before you get an even worse punishment."

James immediately ran up the stairs and into his bedroom, holding his cheek to try and calm the stinging sensation. He ran through the door, slamming it shut and locking it as he walked over to his nightstand, plugging his phone in to charge for the night, and he flipped it open and dialed Kendall's number. No surprise, it was answered on the third ring. "Hello?"

"He hit me."

There was a long silence on the other end, and James held his breath. What would Kendall say? How would he react? Would he freak out on James, blame him for his father's behavior?

"I'll be over in ten."

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**A/N: So the abuse portion of it isn't so great and I understand that completely. But it's late and I'm so sleepy at the moment and I know for a fact that it's gonna get worse and you'll see that it's gonna be different where James actually starts to fight back, he doesn't sit back and take it like he usually does in some fanfictions. So it'll be a lot different, and I can promise you that :) anyway, I wrote this in a really short amount of time, so please review, because I love reading them! They're wonderful. **

**Also, I'm thinking about throwing in some flashbacks and stuff, you know? To when they were little and stuff. So you'll get more baby Kames :) **


	4. I Let You In, I Let You See

**Well hello all :) I just want to say thank you to everyone who has favorited and reviewed this, because even though it's only a few, all of your opinions mean the world to me. And in this chapter, we get a little intro to Kendall's life. Of how Kendall feels. So yeah. I hope this is different, it's not just a general James story where it's always James with a problem, and I promised that :) so enjoy!**

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The first time Kendall realized he loved James in more than a friendly way was when they were fifteen and Kendall had, for lack of better term, just gotten dumped.

Kendall Knight was a lady's man, and everyone knew it. Nobody dumped Kendall Knight. Kendall had it all. Except not really.

The thing about Kendall, is that when Kendall falls for someone, he falls. Hard. And he has a hell of a hard time letting go when it crushes him to pieces.

Kendall had dated Jo from when he was in the seventh grade. From when they were first trying out kisses, and going further, in some ways more than others. They hadn't gone all the way. But Kendall got pretty far with her, and that's sort of why Kendall took the break up pretty hard. She was the first girl he had done stuff with. Jo was special.

But when Jo's dad was offered a business position, all the way in the heart of New York City, Jo had no choice but to leave with him. And to leave Kendall behind.

Kendall remembers it clearly. How she shook with sobs as she broke the news to him that she was moving. How he wiped her tears away and told her that she didn't have to worry. He'd still be her boyfriend. He'd wait for her. And he remembered the way she looked up at him and said harshly, "I don't want a long distance boyfriend. It's over."

She hadn't meant it to hurt him. Her tone was more out of frustration that she was leaving him behind, not taking him with her the way she wanted to. But after Kendall walked her to her door that night after they spent the night by the lake, and she asked him to text her, Kendall reluctantly shook his head. "After this, I'm not your boyfriend anymore, Jo. And if you don't want me as that, I can't have you in my life. I'm sorry." She collapsed into his arms again, and they stayed like that. Holding each other before he let her go, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead and walking back to his house.

When Kendall got home, he headed straight for his room, not exactly sure what to do. He settled for a hot shower, hoping it would help clear his mind a little bit. But after standing under a stream of pulsing hot water until it ran ice cold, he quickly realized it wasn't helping. He needed someone to talk to. So after shutting the water, drying off and slipping into a pair of sweats, he picked up his phone, dialing James's number.

"Hey dude, where you been? I haven't heard from you all day."

Kendall laughed sadly. "Yeah, I've been a little busy."

"What's wrong?"

"You know, that's the one thing I hate about you, man. You always-"

"I'm your best friend, dipshit, of course I know when something's wrong. And yes, I finish your sentences too. So what's the matter?"

And that's when something changed. It wasn't a look, a glance, or anything amazing like in those fairytales everyone reads about. It was a simple gesture, a small sentence, barely over four words that made Kendall see things just a little bit differently. "Can… You come over? I just need someone to talk to."

"Sure thing Kendall. I'll be there."

So when James showed up not even fifteen minutes later, it sort of made Kendall feel a lot of things. The fact that, without a car, James managed to run almost a mile to Kendall's house, in less than fifteen minutes at that. How when Kendall opened the door, James didn't say anything, just continued to pant heavily from the exertion of running, and pulled Kendall into a tight embrace, not even bothering to ask what was wrong. How James pulled away slowly and led him upstairs, because if he knew Kendall, and he did quite well, when something was truly bothering him, he would eventually start to cry. And he knows how much Kendall hates to cry in public, even if it's in the open doorway to his own house.

James dragged him up the stairs, an arm still protectively around his shoulders, and pulled him into the bedroom, closing the door and setting them both on the bed. Still, he said nothing, just tried to calm his breathing, and holding Kendall close. And when he felt Kendall start to shake, and the grip he had on James's t-shirt tighten, James tugged him in closer. "Let it out, Kendall. It's okay. I'm here."

And Kendall did. He sobbed. Harder than he ever thought possible. He poured out everything, everything him and Jo shared together, how he even thought he might've loved her. How bad her words had hurt him. And James didn't say a word. He ran his fingers through Kendall's hair, letting his tears stain his shirt. He did what Kendall needed. He listened.

After Kendall had cried out all his emotion, James had laid down on Kendall's bed, Kendall securely in his arms, his head buried in the nook of James's neck and shoulder. His voice was worn out and raspy, his eyes red rimmed and stinging, his cheeks tear stained. He looked up at James, smiling a tired, weak smile. "thank you. I needed that."

James just smiled and pressed a kiss to his hair. "I know. I'm always here, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I just… I feel awful, James. It's not fair. I find this wonderful girl, and she just… I don't understand why she wouldn't want me to still be her boyfriend."

James sighed, turning over to face Kendall, wiping away the fresh tears slipping down his cheeks. "Listen to me. She doesn't deserve you as her boyfriend. She doesn't deserve you as her friend. I saw the way you treated her, Kendall. I saw the way you loved her. She's stupid to let you go."

And it was in that moment that Kendall knew. He was in love, not with the girl packing her things for a flight to New York. He was in love with James Diamond.

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**A/N: Wazzzaaa! Here we go :) chapter four! Or three... I don't even know. I had such a busy day today, registering for college and all, and yeah :) I literally love this story okay, I do. And I hope you all do too. :) leave reviews, I love them! and I love you all for reading this :3**


	5. You Don't Have To Hide From Me

**Well hello all :)**

**It's been a few days and I've been so busy with work but this morning before I went to work I sat down and started to write. And here we are! You're all in for a little surprise at the end, but I promise this isn't where it ends. :) I hope you all like it!**

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The first time James ever got into a fight was when he was the summer before freshman year.

Kendall had to be an idiot and drag him to a party so Kendall could get a little bit of ass. That jerk off.

James hates parties. He doesn't do the whole "underage party" scene. It's just not his sorta thing. Sure, he loves defying his father as much as the next hormone crazed guy, but to go out and drink piss warm beer, get a buzz, and get some disease from the girls in his school? No thanks.

It's when James looks over to the corner of the room, to find Kendall. Sitting on the couch. With some random girl on top of him, her hands pulling at his hair, his own hands squeezing the soft skin of her hips. And that's when James gets pissed off.

James never gets angry. He's been putting up with his dad's abuse for three years now. James doesn't ever get mad at anyone, because he sees what the effects of it cause. So when James is angry, you know something really bad must've caused it. James drops his drink on the counter, walking over to the cooler sitting next to the fridge and grabs a bottle of beer, twisting the cap off, and drinking it down within seconds. That stupid bitch, stealing Kendall from him. How dare she.

Except not really because Kendall's not his.

God damn his stupid conscious.

James reopens the cooler about four more times before he feels the effects of the alcohol finally kicking in. He's walking around with an open beer in his hand, a huge grin on his face, because hey, if Kendall wants to bang the chick upstairs and get chlamydia, James is all for it. Who cares, right? James walks into the other room, bumping into one of the guys in his gym class, effectively spilling his beer. "Watch it, faggot."

"What the fuck did you just call me?"

"You heard me. Watch it, faggot."

James gripped onto his cup a little bit harder, biting down on his bottom lip. "I'm not gay."

The kid just laughed in his face. "Oh please. You act like you're so fucking tough, man. We all know you and that little blondie of yours have something going on. Don't even try to deny it."

And that's the first time James actually hit someone.

The next thing James actually remembers is waking up in Kendall's bed, Kendall sitting next to him, his face in his hands. He tries to sit up, but due to the throbbing pain in his head, he collapses back, groaning softly. He's met with soft green eyes staring at him. "Thank God you're awake."

"Dude, what… What happened?"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "You thought to be a big shot and fought some kid who called you gay. Plus you were drunk off your ass, so that didn't help too much. I just brought you straight to my house. Your dad would've killed you if he knew you were drunk."

James laughed sadly. "Yeah, he probably would have."

"It's not funny, James! Do you understand what the hell you did? You could've hurt yourself. That kid was three times your size. What could he have possibly said that provoked you to hit him? Comments like that never bothered you before."

How do you explain to your best friend that you fought someone for making comments about him?

"I just… I don't know, Kendall. I don't. I was drunk. Is my head that bad?"

Kendall sighed, rubbing his forehead. "You got hit pretty hard. But nothing major. My mom knows. She took you to the doctor to make sure, because you were unconscious when I found you. They agreed not to tell your dad that you were drinking."

"Oh."

There's something new. Awkward silence. That's never actually happened between him and Kendall before. It scares James. It scares him way more than it should. "Kendall, don't hate me."

Kendall looks up at him, his eyes shining. "James, I could never hate you. I just… You don't fight people. I don't think you've ever fought someone before. What could've possibly gotten you so mad that you went and hit the guy. Honestly. I just wanna know."

James took a deep breath, sitting up with a struggle so he's leaning against his headboard. He runs a hand through his hair, tugging at the strands softly. "He claimed that me and you had something, that we were gay together. Kinda just really set me off I guess. I'm sorry."

James was then met with a smack over the back of the head. "What the hell was that for?"

"You idiot, you almost got yourself beaten into a concussion because he made a comment about me?"

Well that's putting it pretty bluntly. "Yeah. For you. Because nobody makes a comment about me and you. Not in that kind of manner. I'm not gay. You're not gay. That's dumb."

There's that awkward silence again. "Kendall what're you thinking?"

Kendall just shook his head, pulling his knees into his chest. "Nothing. It's stupid."

"Are you gay?"

"How the fuck do you do that?"

James laughs. "Telepathy. Best friends since pre-k. Remember?"

Kendall just smiles, crawling closer to James, exhaling deeply. "I don't know. I mean… I don't know. I guess sometimes at hockey practice, when we're changing I kinda wonder what it'd be like. Being with a guy. Girls are too complicated sometimes."James snorts. "I feel you on that one. But I see what you mean. I wonder sometimes too."

"You do?"

He chuckles, reaching over with difficulty to wrap an arm around Kendall's shoulders. "Yeah. Sometimes I wonder. I miss it. Having someone. And sometimes there's… One person I guess I can see myself with."

"Same here."

It takes a few minutes before Kendall turns his face towards James and bites his bottom lip in nerves. "James?"

"Yeah Kendall?"

"Do you think… Before we get into high school, you know… Maybe we could… I just… This is really weird, I know, and I don't wanna weird you out or anything but it's been on my mind, and-"

James cups his face, stroking his thumbs over Kendall's cheeks, pulling him in so their lips are barely brushing, cutting off whatever words he was trying to say. Kendall stops mumbling, reaching up to run his fingers through James's hair, holding him close as he moves James's face closer to him, moving his lips in ways he never knew were possible. It's when James's tongue slips out and across his bottom lip he whimpers, in his own way, begging James to never stop kissing him. James chuckles against his lips, pulling away slowly but keeping Kendall close to him. "Does that answer your question?"

"…I really hate your telepathy."

James had no doubts about being gay after that.

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**A/N: tada! :D finally. lol. I can never resist those two. They have such a strong pull against each other and it had to happen. I stay for Kendall, and Kendall has a hold on me. I can't say no to him. See what happens? :)**

**reviews are fantastic. I love you all so much!**


	6. Show Me Your Private Parts

**Is anyone really surprised to hear from me? :) lol. Okay, so in this chapter, we're continuing from the prologue. You're gonna get a glimpse into everything James has been feeling for the past years of his life, and you're probably gonna hate me for being typical at the ending but yeah. :D eventually they're gonna do dirty stuff and what not, uh yeah :) maybe next chapter, but I think I have an idea for it already and UGH I'll explain when you're done with this chapter!**

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"So sit down and talk to me, James."

Kendall walked in behind James, shutting the door on his way in, and sitting down on his bed. James turned to look at him, shaking his head as he takes a seat on the other side of the room in his computer chair, turning on his laptop and smiling a sad smile as he wipes at his eyes. "You wanna see my favorite picture in the world?"

Kendall smiles. "Sure. Show me."

James sits for a second, clicking away on his laptop until he pulls up a picture of a mother and her son, sitting at the beach on a sunny July day in California. The woman has her son in her arms as she points at the blue ocean water, and the little boy is smiling wide, reaching out for it. James stares at it, silent tears streaking down his face. "This was taken a week before my mom died. We took a family vacation to the beach, and I was scared to go in the water. My mom held me and was telling me about the fishes in the water, and then she saw one and showed me. And I wasn't scared after that."

Kendall stood up, walking over to James and wrapping his arms around James's shoulders, running his fingers through his hair. "James, I'm sorry."

"Don't. I'm not opening up so you can pity me, Kendall. Just… Do you want me to open up?"

"Of course I do."

"Then don't tell me you're sorry for me."

Kendall sighed, dropping his arms in defeat and walking back over to James's bed, sitting down slowly and pulling his blanket over his legs. "Are you gonna come sit with me?"

James rolled his eyes, standing up shakily and walking over, sitting on the edge of the bed. He takes a deep breath, leaning back so he's against the wall, sitting next to Kendall. "So what do you wanna talk about?"

"First things first. Has your dad hit you again after the first time four years ago?"

James stops breathing for a second, turning away. "I… Kendall…"

"Tell me James."

"…Yeah. Every day since then."

Kendall looks up at him, biting his lip and reaching over for James's hand. "Talk to me, James. What happens. We need to talk about it. You're not running away this time from me."

James looks down at their hands clasped together, squeezing Kendall's hand a little bit tighter. "I don't know. Sometimes he just gets drunk and when I come home, he'll hit me. I mean, yeah, I talk back to him sometimes but he's gone as far as burning me, Kendall. He's made me bleed before. I don't know how to make it better. He blames me for my mom dying. He says that…"

"What? James talk to me."

"He says that if… That guy had killed me, he'd still have a wife. And he wouldn't have to deal with me ever. He hates me, Kendall. He doesn't love me. He sits there and wishes I had been killed instead of my mom because he despises me so much."

Then Kendall's arms are around him, tight and secure and James buries his face in Kendall's chest and allows himself to let out all the grief he'd been feeling for so many years. Kendall holds him close, running his fingers through James's hair, silent tears dripping off his face. He's known James for years, and watching James fall apart in his arms breaks his heart. It's not something you deal with. Especially when your best friend is the one you're in love with. When James hurts, Kendall hurts too.

After about a half hour of James purely sobbing into his chest, and a soaked through t-shirt, James sits up, wiping frustrated at his eyes, sighing. "I'm s-sorry Kendall. I ruined your-"

"You didn't ruin my shirt. I have others. You needed me."

James smiles weakly, burying his face back into Kendall's chest, his arms wrapping tightly around his waist. "I never thought I'd live to see the day that I actually opened up to someone."

Kendall chuckles, tipping James's face up and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "I told you I'd keep you safe, James. I wasn't gonna let you down."

When James loosens his grip around Kendall, he starts to get nervous. He doesn't wanna James to shut him out again. But James chuckles sadly, looking at him. "I'm not leaving you. I… Well, I figured that while we're talking about my entire life, I'd show you something."

James swings his legs over his bed, reaching underneath it and pulling out a shoe box. He begins to open it, but turns to Kendall and closes the lid. "Before I show you anything… Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

Kendall kinks an eyebrow but does as he's told, and he hears the faint ruffling of paper before a single piece is placed in his hand. He opens his eyes and looks up at James, confused. "It's a letter. Read it."

The blonde smiles, unfolding the piece of paper that has his name on it. He looks at James one more time before he slowly starts to read.

_"Kendall:_

_I know this is probably really weird for you, because I know that we're best friends and we can talk about everything and anything in the entire world._

_Do you remember the summer before freshman year? After I got into that fight, you sat with me for who knows how long, waiting for me to wake up. And when I did, you stayed by my side. I haven't had someone care about me this much since my mom. And nobody's stayed with me for this long. I just think it's time you know the truth._

_I kissed you that night. It was my first. And I, honestly, want you to be the only person that I share a kiss with. You're the only person that I want to wake up to in the morning. You're the only person that I want to get breakfast with, joke around in the morning about how cute your bed head is, wake up before you and cook you breakfast in bed just for being a wonderful person. I want to hold your hand all the time, and do cute couple-y things, go to movies, cuddle on the couch, lay in bed at night and listen to the rain. Go on romantic dinner dates. Ice skating late at night when the rink is closed._

_I wanna be the one who makes you happy. It scares me to think that somehow, you don't feel the same about me too. But I love you, Kendall Knight. You have, ever since that day in preschool, always been my Knight in shining armor. And I hope, maybe, you love me too._

_Love,_

_James."_

Kendall looks up, blurred vision with tears he had no idea that were threatening to spill over. James has his face turned towards the shoebox in his lap, looking through it mindlessly. "James. Look at me."

James bites his lip and looks up, nervous for the reaction he'll get. It's when Kendall picks up the shoebox, sets it on the floor, and pulls James into a bone-crushing, heart stopping, stomach dropping kiss that he realizes he made the right choice by letting Kendall in. James smiles into it, pulling Kendall closer to him, so Kendall's practically in his lap, and he wipes at the wet tears streaking his cheeks. "Tell me why you're crying."

"How could you ever think I didn't love you back, James?"

He smiles, kissing Kendall again, a little more softly than before. "I don't know. I should've figured it out that the night we kissed, you didn't date anyone after that."

"Exactly, you idiot! I thought you would've gotten the hint by now. I didn't think it would take two years for you to see it."James laughs, that heart clenching laugh that Kendall's only heard a few times in his life. "Maybe I was scared someone would steal you from me."

Kendall grins, cupping James's face in his hands and kissing his nose. "I'll always be your Knight, James. Don't ever doubt that."

James lets out a sigh of relief, wrapping his arms around Kendall and pulling him down so they're laying together on his bed, staying like that for hours. Kendall looks down at his phone around 11, realizing they both fell asleep together, and he sends his mom a text to let her know he's with James and he'll be staying there for the night. He looks up at James's face, for once, not pained or hurting. Pure innocence. And he leans up to press a gentle kiss against his lips before laying back down, his head perfectly crooked in James's chest. He smiles to himself as James's arms constrict around him on instinct.

For the first time in years, James sleeps through the night without nightmares.

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**A/N: Tada! Again! lol. So yes, finally, the truth comes out. :) **

**Before I go, I wanna give you a little insight of the next chapter. My senior class has recently done two class projects. "The Grim Reaper Project" and "Project Crash." I'm not gonna go into full depth of it at the moment, I'll let you all see what it's about in the next chapter. But I hope, it'll be something nobody's ever done before. I think it'll shock you, make you cry, and make you fall in love with their relationship even more :) **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :3**


	7. I Have Died Everyday Waiting For You

**Hello all :) Here's chapter six of this wonderful story that I'm so very well proud of. So I listened to A Thousand Years this morning, and I got complete inspiration for this chapter. Before you read, I want you all to know that the project in this chapter actually happened at my school. So go forth :)**

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The first time that Kendall tells James that he loves him is their senior year of high school.

During their last few weeks of high school, their school organized a class project named "Project Crash." Kendall didn't realize that his school was doing this until he was sitting in his history class, James sitting next to him and copying down notes from the board when another student from their class walks into the class, dressed as the Grim Reaper, and walks hauntingly around the room. Kendall kinks an eyebrow but rolls his eyes, looking back up at the board, until the student walks next to him, turns to James and lays a hand on his shoulder.

Kendall's eyes widen as he watches James get up from his seat, not sparing a single glance back, and walk out the door. Their teacher keeps talking about the Vietnam war, but all Kendall can really focus on is the door, waiting for James to return. When he does, he's wearing a black t-shirt, "Drunk Driving Fatality" etched onto the front, and in huge letters on the back, "RIP" was written. Kendall quickly scribbles down a note to James, tossing it to him, but James just pushes it back, ignoring it completely.

The whole purpose of the project is to teach kids the horrors and consequences of drunk driving. Especially since prom was a week away. Kendall spent the entire week miserable, waiting for at least a text from James, but it isn't until that Friday that his entire senior class is called down to the auditorium for a presentation. It's there that when he walks in, he sees exactly what the entire project was about. He walks into the room, coming face to face with a huge picture of James, a rose laying in front of the picture. So this was why he wasn't talking this week.

After Kendall sat down in his seat, he watched as a few other kids presented how they were "killed" in a drunk driving accident, and when it was James's turn, he watched in pure horror as he stands up, walking up to the microphone, and starts to speak.

"I still remember the faint smell of burnt rubber and blood when I was laying lifeless in my car that night. I still remember getting in my car, planning on going to visit my mom's grave after I had witnessed her being brutally murdered in front of me. I was missing her terribly that night, and all I wanted was to see my mom. I get in my car, tears streaking my face after a fight with my dad, and put the key in the ignition. Something was nagging me, telling me not to drive. It sounded a lot like my best friend Kendall, telling me to walk back inside and wait a little while to go. But I didn't wanna wait. I wanted my mom.

So I pulled out of the drive way. And it started to rain. And it kept raining. It was the perfect setting, really. Miserable mood, miserable night for a drive, miserable time to be going to the cemetery. I'm driving down the street, when all I see is bright lights heading straight towards me. A huge crunch of metal. And excruciating pain. The smell of the rubber on the streets burns my nostrils, and the feeling of blood trickling down the side of my face is more painful than I can even begin to explain. I look ahead of me, staring dead into the eyes of the man who killed me. Took my life. And he's staring back at me, not with a look of horror, but he actually somewhat smiles. Like taking the life of an innocent teenager was kind of funny. I don't know what happened after that. Because after he smiled at me, my eyes closed, I took my last breath, and I slowly eased into my after life.

Meanwhile, that son of a bitch is still out there. I'm laying. In my grave for the rest of eternity. And he's still out there. Getting drunk. Driving drunk. He still gets to live his life, like a dirty scumbag. And me. An eighteen year old teenager, gets to rot in his grave, leaving behind friends. A father. A boyfriend. And he still gets to live his life the way that he wants to."

It was also then that James announces he's gay and has a boyfriend.

James steps off the stage then, sitting down in the front row of students who also participated in the class project. Kendall stares at the back of his head, tears streaming off his face. All he wants is to run up to James and hold him for hours on end, but their principal presses play and the screen from above drops down, playing a montage of pictures of each student who had participated. Kendall looks up at the exact moment James's senior picture comes up and he can't help the sobs building in his throat as he hears "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri playing in the background, while pictures of James and his friends come up. It's when Kendall sees a picture of him and James he forgot had been taken appear on the screen that he starts really crying.

_It was the day of James's seventeenth birthday, and Kendall had planned a day for them together. He took James anywhere he wanted to go, the park, the movies, out to dinner. That night, instead of bringing James home to his father, who was miserably drunk, Kendall brought him back to his house, where Mr. and Mrs. Knight were waiting with Katie, with a huge present in their hands and a birthday cake. James walked into the living room after the entire night was over, Kendall sitting next to him and James had started crying. "James, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"_

_James buries his face in Kendall's neck, holding him close. It takes him a few minutes to answer, but he looks up at Kendall with the biggest smile on his face. "Because you gave me what I really wanted for my birthday. A real family. I can't ever pay you back for this, Kendall. Thank you."_

_Kendall smiles, cupping James's face in his hands and kissing him gently. "You're welcome, James. Happy birthday."_

_James smiles, resting his forehead on Kendall's his hands wrapped around Kendall's neck, while Kendall has his hands cupped over James's face. A flash goes off and Kendall realizes his mom took a picture of them. "Mom!"_

_Mrs. Knight laughs, shrugging as she looks at the picture. "You two are so precious, I couldn't help it. It was a Kodak moment."_

Kendall smiles at the memory through his tears, watching as more pictures of him and James pop up on the screen. After each students pictures had come and gone, the teacher who organized the event thanked everyone for participating, reminding everyone in the auditorium that even now, as all their friends and brothers and sisters come back to the real world, that doesn't happen. And to appreciate having them there. Because they never know what's going to happen. As everyone stands up, Kendall pushes through the crowd, sobs escaping him as he launches himself into James. "Don't ever scare me like that again, you asshole!"

James laughs through the tears that had collected in his eyes, wrapping his arms securely around Kendall. "I wasn't allowed to tell anyone. It was part of the rules. We had to pretend like we weren't really there anymore."

"It's been a complete living hell for me for the past week, James, what the fuck. You scared me."

James smiles, cupping Kendall's face in his hands and kissing his nose. "I'm sorry. I wasn't allowed. But I'm here now."

That's when Kendall collapses into James, sobbing into his shirt. James laughs sadly, running his fingers through his soft, blonde hair. "Kendall, it's okay. Baby, I'm here."

Kendall clutches his shirt even tighter in response, sobbing harder than he ever thought possible. He stands there with James, not caring who sees him so distraught, bawling his eyes out into James. James rests his head on top of Kendall's, letting his tears run down his face, the whole week of not having any contact with Kendall finally catching up to him.

Kendall finally looks up at James, his eyes red rimmed and tears staining his cheeks that he kisses James, not caring who sees him at this point, and mumbles against his lips, "I love you." James pulls away from him, his eyes widening at his words, and Kendall shrugs. "I… I don't care who knows it. I love you. I love you, James."

James just smiles in return, kissing Kendall long and hard, his face caught between his hands, and their foreheads pressed together. That's when James starts singing to Kendall, soft and slow, and Kendall realizes, then and there, nothing is ever gonna ruin them.

_I have died every day, waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more. And all along, I believed I will find you. Time has brought your heart to me. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more._

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**A/N: Okay. So the whole Project Crash is an actual project in my school that the senior class does to show the effects and consequences of drunk driving. We actually got to witness the students participating in the project reenact an actual crash scene where you get to watch your friends in the project die in a car crash but I figured I'd leave that out because it's really hard on me, considering one of my best friends participated in the project. But I hope you all enjoyed this chapter :D I'm proud of it. **


	8. I Swear I'm Perfect For YOu

_Wow okay I literally suck. I haven't updated this in months, and okay here's my excuse. Around the time that I last updated, I wasn't sure on what the next chapter would be so I decided not to write and when the inspiration came, I would write it all down. Guess how long that took. Then I got a new Mac, considering my old computer was dying and falling apart, and when I got my Mac, I didn't have any type of word document that I could type my stories on. I could've used google docs but that wouldn't have done much. Now that I finally got word I just never got around to typing up the next chapter, and when I logged into this account in what's been MONTHS, I realized I had two new messages and I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T ANSWER. It's not that I was ignoring anyone, I literally haven't even logged on and checked anything. I'm not used to getting messages on here._

_So that's my story on why I've been lacking in updates. This is actually going to be the last chapter of the story and I'm sorry it's so short! But I'll finally have finished a story, which is a HUGE accomplishment in my world. So yeah. I hope you all enjoy the final chapter of this :) I love writing for you guys. Thank you for being so patient and supportive! I love you!_

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The first time James asks Kendall to marry him was the first night they both got drunk together.

James's father had gone on a business trip to Los Angeles that weekend, leaving James with the house to himself and the perfect opportunity for him and Kendall to be alone without any interruptions. His father had left him alone Thursday night, saying that he better at least keep the house standing until he gets back on Monday morning. James swore he would keep the place up, and the second his father's cab had left, he immediately called Kendall to tell him they had the place to themselves for the weekend.

James dropped Kendall off at his house to get some of his stuff and Kendall promised he'd drive over the second Katie got home from school. So when Kendall showed up on his doorstep around 3:30 on Friday afternoon with nothing more than a small backpack, containing just a pair of shorts, boxers and a toothbrush, James grinned. "Any reason you don't have much?"

"It's not like we're gonna be getting out of bed anyway. Nor do I have to worry about getting dressed in fear of your dad catching us naked and sweaty together."

Kendall walked inside, grinning wide as he dropped his stuff on the floor, immediately pulling James in for a kiss. James laughed, already breathless just by having his arms around Kendall. "We have all weekend you know. No need to rush anything this time."

"Shush. I haven't kissed you all day. Let me have this at least."

James pulled back, wrapping his arms around Kendall's neck. "You can kiss me any time you want. But I have other plans for now. I've been dying for a movie night. And since it's supposed to snow, it's the perfect excuse to watch a sappy movie and cuddle."

Kendall kinked an eyebrow. "I thought sappy movies brought down your masculinity."

"Oh shut up. Not like anyone's gonna catch us watching one. Now come on. There's an entire bottle of vodka in the freezer, and plenty of beer in the basement that's just begging to be poured."

Kendall smiled, leaning in to kiss James once more. "Sounds like the perfect night to me."

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They spent the next few hours sitting at the kitchen table, passing shots back and forth to each other and playing beer pong. By the time nine o clock rolled around, Kendall looked back at the living room and smiled over at James. "Wanna watch a movie? We can light a fire and get all warm and cozy."

James grinned wide, nodding his head like he was five. "I do. I'll be back." He practically stumbled up the stairs in search of a romantic, sappy love story they could watch. He settled on "Remember Me," figuring it had enough drama in it that would keep Kendall guessing since he had never seen the movie before, and also because he felt he connected to it in a way.

By the time it took him to get down the stairs again, Kendall already had blankets laid out next to the fireplace, and he was already laying down, snuggled under a blanket shirtless. James smirked, walking over and putting the DVD in, waiting for it to load. "Jaaaames, come snuggle with me."

"Hold on, I gotta press play."

"But Jaaaaaames. Pleaseeeee?"

James just rolled his eyes, making sure the movie started playing before he sat down beside Kendall, pulling his shirt off and snuggling up next to him. Kendall looked over at the screen, kinking an eyebrow. "Remember Me? Why'd you pick this movie?"

James shrugged. "I dunno. Just thought you'd like it. It's really good."

Kendall smiled, leaning over and placing a gentle kiss to James's neck. "You know what I'd really like right now?"

James just rolled his eyes and laughed quietly. "Baby stop. Watch the movie."

"Aw come _on_ James. When do we ever get the chance to have sex without your dad catching us, or the risk of my mom or Katie finding us alone, naked, and in bed together? Let alone drunk sex. We've never had drunk sex before. It's supposed to be really hot and intense. Come on."

"After the movie. You promised me a movie night. Watch the movie."

Kendall huffed, rolling over onto his back and looking over at the screen. About an hour into the movie, James looked over, watching how fixated Kendall was on the movie. He smiled, running his fingers through Kendall's hair. "Enjoying it?"

Kendall looked up with sleepy eyes, smiling softly. "Actually, yeah. It's good."

James pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, pulling him in a little bit closer to keep him warm. His fingers kept their pace, sliding gently through Kendall's hair, over his scalp and back again. James looked down, watching Kendall's eyes slowly drift shut. "Hey Kendall?"

"Hm?"

"Would you marry me?"

Kendall opened his eyes, still a bit glazed over and he smiled. "Yep."

"…Seriously?"

"Do you seriously wanna marry me?"

"More than anything."

"Then I'll marry you."

James smiled. "You sure that's not the alcohol talking? You're not just saying that so I'll be quiet? You'll seriously marry me?"

"Give me a date and a place and I'll show up in my jeans and Vans and a plaid shirt and marry you."

"Okay ew, you'll look nicer than that."

Kendall smiled, sitting up a little bit more so he could cup James's face. "Listen to me, okay? I love you. More than… Well, more than anything. You've been my best friend since I can remember, you're a wonderful boyfriend. The sex is absolutely _mind-blowing_, and you treat me like I'm perfect. I can only hope you feel the same way about me. So if you're serious, and you really wanna marry me, then yes. I'll marry you. And that's not the alcohol talking. I'm not _that_ drunk anymore."

James laughed, leaning in to kiss Kendall gently. "You don't know the things that you've done for me. How amazing you've been. You've helped me heal, you've made me the happiest person in the entire world. Without you, I don't think I'd be here. I love you, Kendall."

"I love you too, James."

Kendall laid them back down, snuggling closer into James, head rested in the crook of James's neck. James wrapped an arm around Kendall's shoulders, keeping him tilted in close to him, like if he were to let go, he'd disappear. James took a deep breath, letting his eyes shut, and letting the warmth of the fire relax him into a peaceful sleep. "Thanks for being my Knight in shining armor, Kendall."

And before he fell asleep, James almost swore he heard Kendall's heart skip a beat.

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**A/N: That was the sappiest most stupid ending I've ever written. I apologize again because obviously this wasn't a long chapter, nor was it even that good. But I promise, I'm gonna try to start writing more. I just recently got a new job that's been taking up a lot of my time. And I'm a full-time student at college now, so the work load is really a lot to deal with and I haven't had much time to write. So yeah. I apologize again and I hope you all liked it :) I loved writing for you guys.**


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